This is an unusual episode. Thank you for tuning in. I’ve got information of critical importance that I felt obligated to share.

I have recently received word, via an anonymous letter I found under my office door, of the demise of the “this isn’t just a cult” podcast. I have discovered a few things in my investigations of what actually happened to the podcast:

“This isn’t Just a Cult” was, in fact, slightly less than a cult, as measured in joules, although it may have technically fit into the broader, less concrete definition of a “cabal.” According to an AP report I was able to find after days of googling (link in show notes,) It did not end voluntarily – instead, its producer and primary contributor, Barney Gorge, disappeared on a hiking trip in Malaysia. The reporter followed his trail deep into the jungle there, but was forced to turn back when his guides refused to continue, citing fears of “animal congregants.” The reporter did not provide further details on the meaning of the term. The trail turned cold then, and no further contact with Barney has been reported since. The reporter verified that all of Barney’s known living relatives are dead, and from there was forced to abandon the search.

I myself was able to contact the podcast’s other contributors, Christ Wilhelm and Bobby Womack, but they have been unwilling to talk about the podcast’s demise. In fact, Christ went so far as to claim that he’s never had anything to do with any such show, and indeed stating he had never heard of it, or even of his own name, Christ Wilhelm; and Bobby will make no comment whatsoever. My last call to him resulted in longer than usual pauses between refusals to talk; I got the sense that he was looking over his shoulder, possibly talking conspiratorially in a nearly inaudible whisper with someone else in the room. The number has since been disconnected.

Faxes to the show’s lawyer, accountant, and concierge have similarly gone unanswered.

It may go without saying, but if anyone has any further information about the whereabouts of Barney Gorge, or about the strange disposition of the shows other two primary contributors, please contact me here, via email, fax, or my google voice number. I will provide updates should any further details come to light.

Send in a voice message:

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I create things that don't make sense. I don't know why, because they don't make sense.